watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As shirtless as possible
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
