I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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