Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
