i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
