I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
