What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
