i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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