so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
