Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
