she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
