A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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