The maid of honor just puked.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
