i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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