Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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