um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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