you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
