Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
