I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
