I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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