awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
