Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
