I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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