there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
