STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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