I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
