I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
smell my finger.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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