Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
