how can u be prego again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
