Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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