Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
