so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
