I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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