That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
