is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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