Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
