So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
