I hate all girls vehemently.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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