Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
