Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
