Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
