He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
