just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
