my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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