My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
