how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
