Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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