How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
