Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
