I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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