dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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