can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
