Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
