Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
