Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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